mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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