bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
try to milk me bitch
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
