I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't turn off my feet"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
