i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
