Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
