we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
