They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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