I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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