hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
