I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
