fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They took my balls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
