New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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