Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
