how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
