He is an equal opportunity slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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