btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
