remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
