worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
