K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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