I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
50% drunk capacity currently
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
