Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
