the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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