I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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