All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My vagina is officially offended.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
