I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think my vagina is haunted
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
