the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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