i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
