she's into porn, im staying here tonight
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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