I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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