Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
