New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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