Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
