It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
