I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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