1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
