I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
