the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
