Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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