Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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