I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
