was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
