Where is the hickey?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
