fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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