Your tits are I can't wait for
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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