i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
