I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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