sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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