i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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