Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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