I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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