dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
